Personal Instructions & Letters

Leave the people you care about practical guidance, personal thoughts, and words you want them to have after you are gone.

Practical Instructions for the People You Leave Behind

After a death, even ordinary questions can become surprisingly difficult. Where are the keys? Who takes care of the pets? Which bills are automatic? Who should be contacted? Where are important records stored?

Personal instructions can provide answers without trying to replace a will, advance directive, power of attorney, or other legal document.

Focus on information that will help someone understand what needs attention, where to look, and whom to contact.

What Your Instructions Might Cover

Every household is different. Include the information that someone stepping into your affairs would realistically need.

People, organizations, and professionals who should be contacted
Where important documents and records are stored
Household bills, services, subscriptions, and recurring payments
Pets, plants, property, vehicles, and other ongoing responsibilities
Instructions for your home, mail, keys, storage areas, or belongings
Digital accounts, devices, photographs, and online information
Funeral, memorial, obituary, or other personal preferences
People who should receive particular belongings or keepsakes

Personal Instructions Are Not a Substitute for Legal Documents

Personal notes can explain your wishes and help others find information, but they do not automatically have the legal authority of a will, trust, advance directive, power of attorney, beneficiary designation, or other formal document.

Do not use informal instructions to contradict legally binding documents. When a decision requires legal authority, make sure the appropriate formal document is properly completed.

Letters & Messages for Those You Love

Practical instructions tell people what they may need to do. A personal letter lets you say what you want them to know.

You might write one letter for everyone, individual letters to particular people, or short notes intended for future occasions. You can also record audio or video if speaking feels more natural than writing.

There is no required format and no need to produce a perfect final statement. A simple, genuine message may mean far more than something polished.

Ideas for Personal Messages

Things You Want to Say

Share love, gratitude, encouragement, apologies, forgiveness, hopes, or thoughts that may be difficult to put into everyday conversation.

Stories Worth Keeping

Record memories, family stories, traditions, lessons you learned, funny moments, or experiences you hope others will remember.

Messages for the Future

Some people leave messages for birthdays, weddings, graduations, anniversaries, or other milestones they may not be present to share.

You Do Not Have to Say Everything

Trying to write a definitive final message can make it difficult to begin. Instead, write what feels worth preserving now.

You might start with one person, one memory, or one page. You can add to it later. Your message does not need to summarize your entire life or resolve every relationship.

Write in your own voice. That is usually what the people receiving it will value most.

Make Sure Someone Can Find Them

Instructions and letters cannot help if no one knows they exist. Decide where they will be kept and tell at least one trusted person how to find them.

Paper documents may be stored with other planning records or in a clearly labeled folder. Digital documents should be stored somewhere your chosen person can access when needed.

If a letter is intended to remain private until your death, clearly identify the recipient and when it should be delivered.

Label documents clearly and include the date they were written or updated
Tell a trusted person where your instructions are stored
Keep sensitive information reasonably secure
Make sure someone can access important digital files or devices when appropriate
Identify who should receive private letters, recordings, or keepsakes

Be Careful With Passwords and Account Information

Avoid placing passwords, account numbers, Social Security numbers, or other highly sensitive information in a letter or general instruction sheet that may be widely accessible.

Instead, tell your trusted person where protected information can be found and consider using an appropriate password manager, secure record, or other method for storing sensitive information.

Update Instructions When Life Changes

Personal instructions can become outdated as people move, relationships change, accounts close, pets come and go, or your preferences change.

Review practical instructions periodically and after major life changes. Date each version so others can tell which one is current.

Personal letters are different. You may want to revise them, add new ones, or leave an earlier letter exactly as it was. There is no requirement that every personal message stay continually updated.

If You Are Not Sure What to Write

You do not need to answer all of these. Choose whichever prompt helps you begin.

What do I most want this person to know?
What am I grateful to them for?
What memory of us makes me smile?
What do I hope they remember about me?
What do I hope for their future?
Is there a story or family tradition I want preserved?
Is there something I have always meant to say?
What advice would I give them if they asked me today?

Put Your Wishes Into a Plan

Personal instructions are one part of planning ahead. Organize your important documents, record your choices, and make sure someone you trust knows where to find the information they may need.

Continue Planning

Frequently Asked Questions

Answers to questions often associated with this topic.

Are personal instructions legally binding?

Usually not. Personal instructions can explain your wishes and help others manage practical matters, but they generally do not replace legally recognized documents such as a will, trust, advance directive, power of attorney, or beneficiary designation. Important legal decisions should be documented in the appropriate formal way.

What should I include in personal instructions?

Include information that would help someone understand what needs attention after your death. This might include important contacts, document locations, household responsibilities, pets, bills, digital information, funeral preferences, belongings, and other practical details that may otherwise be difficult to figure out.

Do I need to write letters to everyone I care about?

No. There is no required number or format. You might write one letter, several individual letters, a collection of short notes, or no letters at all. The purpose is to preserve whatever you genuinely want to communicate.

Can I leave audio or video messages instead of letters?

Yes. A personal message can be written, recorded as audio or video, or created in another form that works for you. If you use digital files, make sure someone you trust knows where they are stored and how they can be accessed.

Should I put passwords in my personal instructions?

Usually not. General instruction sheets and personal letters may not be secure places for passwords, account numbers, or other sensitive information. Instead, explain where protected information is stored and how an authorized person can access it when necessary.

How often should I update my instructions?

Review practical instructions whenever important circumstances change and periodically even when nothing major has happened. Date each version so people can identify the most recent one. Personal letters can be revised, added to, or left unchanged depending on what feels right to you.

What if I do not know what to say in a personal letter?

Start small. Write to one person about one memory, something you appreciate about them, or something you hope they will remember. A personal message does not need to summarize your life or provide perfect final words. Writing in your ordinary voice is often enough.